Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
