Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
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I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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