Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
