my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
