Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
