Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
grandma shit on top of the toilet
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
