SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
