I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
