Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
