she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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