I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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