How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I am never drinking with the goths again.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
