he shaved USA in his pubs
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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