So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
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I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
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I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize