The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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