just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
