I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Randomize