Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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