remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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