I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
