I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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