Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
