I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
