no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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