her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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