If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
