I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she smelled like a LAN party
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
