17 year olds will be the death of me.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
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I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
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I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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