He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I lost the right to judge tonight
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
