I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
