if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
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