i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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