I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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