She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
