my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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