Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
