I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
