I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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