In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
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