Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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