If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
