So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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