No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
