I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Randomize
