I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
