Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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