And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
