put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
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