i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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