Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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