I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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