You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I have aggressive nipples.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
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