I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
