i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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