It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize