nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
