There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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