I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize