remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
