my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
