you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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