i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
